It Just Wont Go Away

Help me please.Enlighten me in what I should be doin with my life because I dont feel good in doing anything anymore.Things are just plain boring and lifeless.My love life is currently fine.Cant complain.But I do have blackout instances where I would forget who he really is to me and as to why I'm there with him.6 months and counting.Yet of course not a boring moment but somehow now,I feel,it just doesnt feel right.Somethings missings from before.From me getting to know the real him.Perhaps its just me being a pessimist.He does adore me.Holly Shit.I'm honestly dead tired from last night's tossing & turning.Its just horrible.I couldnt sleep well and felt like somethings bothering me,I have no idea what.But I dreamt of something reall weird.Super weird to the core.

I Cant Believe I'm Tired.Of Everything.

No wait I can.Yes I can believe I'm getting tired.So tired.I needed a break,to run away to the ocean,look at the stars when I sleep at night and enjoy the cooling breeze of the winter morning in...Australia?Haa..I have to do this.I do.For my sanity.Where shall I go?

Exhausted Heels

Getting exhausted.Putting on make up,smiling,breaking the ice & trying to make small talk.It just gets draining.The whole process is draining me out every single day because it doesnt make any difference.It really doesnt.And of course on top of that I can feel myself switching souls with my boyfie;I'm more short-fused now.Its just darn crazy.I'm tired of this.At times I wanted to pull the plug on everything;everything I've stood for and worked for because I don't feel anything anymore.I cannot find who I am anymore,I would love to pick up my camera again,I would love to draw & paint & renew my vows for art & definitely just ease my mind.Retail has driven me to be a monster.Truly.

Wrk Is Pressure Under No Bliss.

I guess on some days you call it the drought season but am getting desperate.What god gives,he can take it back.Its always a challenge.Because life can never be a constant smile and roses but with thorns and frowns.I feel so down.Down in the dumbs for all the times I ever tried,it was just never really a fruitful encounter.I sell nothing,for the past 5 days.Nothing at all.

To Know What U Love & Live 2 Fight For.

Lets make things clear.We all live once and once only.Lets make every cents worth of it and not live day by day being boring.I learn that now.I wish to do so many things but there's just so little time that you get.Its true what they say,Live everyday like its your last.Then I wouldn't want ro be in the boutique.I wanna live outside and meet new people.I wanna try new things an most definitely create a better world for myself and for my beloved.

The World Is Full Of Pretenders & Fake Preachers

I couldn't help but feel unwanted,yes.But the fact that I feel fake among the rest is just beyond my reasons of rationality.I have no idea how ro react anymore when I feel I don't give a damn about anything or anyone.Why?Because they don't give a damn about me right?Because I don't need to waste my emotional efforts on people who don't like me in the 1st place.My 1st birthday celebration at Dior & its just mind-blowing.Truly.No,I was being sarcastic.Each day now,I wake up in the morning and put on my make up,my fake eyelash,I know that I look good but I also know that I only do so for the job.Because my main motive is to sell.To achieve my target each day just to survive the month.I feel its just torturing my soul.My mind can't make up the words and my heart can no longer feel the pain;for deciding what to do for myself is never a question I look forward to because it depends on my mood.I need to look bacl for the love.The love I once had for fashion,for singing,dancing;the simple joys of life which I neglected with the responsibility of finding more money to cover what I had lost.There simply is,and will never be,a time whereby,I get to sit down properly and feel the urge,the passion in myself to fight again.Fight for the love of being alive and doing the things you love.

Making Love To Hate Part II

Currently I'm feeling a little negative.Feeling a little unloved and depressed at the fact that I did not get a birthday party,still,like others.They simply just cut the cake in the pantry and left.Makes me wonder what am I doing wrong or what I've done.I can't help but to think negatively about my colleagues now or perhaps that I think way too much?I rationalize that they think since I have a wonderful boyfie who celebrated it with me,they don't need to throw such a huge effort.I feel a little pinch.Nope.I feel the pinch rubbed with salt.I feel that also,the management is taking advantage of my silence.I no longer believe in them anymore & I don't have an ounce of empathy towards them.Honestly,to some it all off,I am just no longer "Dior" anymore.